realAUDEO

When I awoke, I was alone, in the dark, no one to hold, no one to embrace, just me and this emptiness, this hollowness I thought no one could fill, then you came, and you laid down with me, and looked me in the eyes, I did nothing but look back into yours, then you turned around and let me embrace you with my tattered arms, and at that moment I could no longer feel that emptiness, that hollow feeling...

Here it is, the moment I tried to prevent with a simple end, but no, you had to spark something to keep me going, like adding gasoline to a dying flame, you made me have hope I never knew existed, when we were together, I could feel the scars of yesterday fade away, but all of that is over now, and this is the moment you never let me see coming, the moment I told myself was just a bad dream, and thought of it as the final chapter of some sick book, this is the part when you hug me with the illusion of love, but suddenly stab me in the back with your sharpened deceit, and then push me to my knees with the warmth of my running blood behind me, you even look me in the eyes and kiss me, before you kick me to the ground to let me drown in my own blood filling my puncherd lungs, I watched you walk away until you were out of sight, I could feel every second that I was getting closer into the dark, and tell myself "at least shes happy..." before closing my eyes, and let my flame finally dye and turn to ash in the dark.

You reached out to me well I sat in those shadows, and then you pulled me into the light, I held your hand with a feeling I never was able to feel before, and then you let go, I looked around to find you but you were already gone, but you were gone, you left me here alone... I feel it, the loneliness setting back in, like sand in water... I cried and cried, those black tears that were oh so familiar, but these stained my skin as they rolled down my face, and at that moment I sat back down, and realized I was all alone... again...

My heart beat fast as i cut my arm open and let the blood run, it hurt so good, the easing pain, my arm starts to go numb as the blood starts to trickle more with the cut going up, it cuts veins and slices open arteries, my arm now has a cut from my wrist to my bicep, the pain suddenly pleasures me strongly and i start to cry a little, i know this is the end, i know the damage is done, their is no going back now, i laugh a little as i see my skin go pail, i smile at the puddle under my arm, i fall out of my computer chair and on to the carpet, and close my eyes, as my life flows out like the happiness i once knew, and accept the final good ridden of the thing humans call home...

Why does love have to hurt so much, it doesn't burn like fire or cut you like a knife, everyone wants this, but why?, what drives us to want it, is it the human way to want something else to make themselves happy, is it loneliness that drives us to risk going through so much pain, I guess it's something we will never find out, but i found it and it is something that I wish I could be with forever, I also found the pain that comes with it, and as I suffer I reach out for that love, but it isn't grabbing my hand, and i soon came to realize it had long ago left me, not even looking behind to see me rot, i then from that point on accepted that love was not made for me, i am only here to hold the misery people leave me with, and all alone i sit here with a dying heart . . .